


The Search

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, could be read as red or pale I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 09:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nepeta searches through the afterlife for the one person she loved most</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Search

You were crying when you arrived in the afterlife. You don’t remember if you collapsed or just woke up face down, but you remember pounding the ground with your fists and sobbing. Equius died for you, and you could hardly think of anything else.

You lost track of how much time you spent crying. You lost track of how much time it’s been since you stopped. Sometimes it feels like moments, sometimes like sweeps. But as soon as you got control of yourself, you quickly got your bearings.

You must have been killed trying to get your revenge. You didn’t know where you were. It was big, and quiet, and scarier than you thought death would be.

Then you figured out Equius could be somewhere here too.

Ever since, you’ve been searching. You still don’t know where you are, and you don’t have any clues. All you can do is go forward, and hope you eventually find him. If you keep going, you’re bound to reach him, right?

You have so much to say to him. The longer you search, the more you wish you could find him. He died for you. That never stopped hurting, but every time you remember feels like the first time you realized it. He died for you. You want to thank him. There’s no adequate way to thank him, especially since you just went and got yourself killed anyway, but you want him to know how much that means to you.

But you also want to shake him and tell him how stupid he is for throwing his life away like that. His intentions were noble, but everyone lost a friend that day. He should have let you come with him. You might have had a chance stopping Gamzee together.

In those moments when you’re not thinking of how grateful you are for Equius’ selflessness, you’re pissed at Gamzee. This is really all his fault. He murdered Equius. He murdered you. Your desire for revenge increased twofold, though you don’t know how you’d ever get it.

But maybe…maybe if you could just find Equius now, that would be good enough.

You don’t know how long you’ve been searching. Time doesn’t seem to be a thing here. At first, or maybe for ages, you thought you might be alone here, until you saw ghosts. Ghosts of creatures you’ve never met, of trolls you’ve never seen before.

A few times, you’ve come across your dead friends from alternate timelines, and even your own dead self.

Once, you came across a dead friend from your timeline.

You were never all that close with Feferi, but you were never happier to see her. She seemed less than excited; you wondered why until you remembered what this place was.

It didn’t take you long to realize you must have been from the same timeline. The alternate timelines are easy to tell apart, once you get the hang of talking to them the right way. You two talked a bit about recent (or at least, very shortly before your deaths) events.

“I think I’ve seen Equius,” she said, finally, and you wondered why she waited so long to tell you.

You started asking her questions. She was vague, but you were grateful anyway. After all, you had precisely nothing to go on before. She didn’t seem offended when you left to find him almost immediately. Everyone knows how close you were.

You’ve lost track of time since that interaction, too. You wonder if you were mistaken when you heard her directions, or if you missed something, or if this place has a habit of changing. It starts to seem hopeless when you remember Equius has had just as much time to wander as you, meaning he could have covered just as much ground as you. You might not be any closer to him than when you started.

Thoughts like that make you want to start crying again. You suck them up and continue your search. You have to stay optimistic. Can this place really be infinite? If not, you’re bound to find Equius at some point.

You meet more alternate selves and creatures you try to avoid. You pass through gardens and beaches and palaces and graveyards, or at least scenery that looks like these places.

You finally see him in a clearing in a forest.

By the look on his face, you know he’s not nearly as happy to see you as you are to see him. (You start to feel very selfish for feeling happy to find your friends in such a place.)

You can’t help it. You don’t care if he’s from a doomed timeline. You run to him and throw your arms around his neck. It’s all you can do not to sob into his shoulder.

“Was it Gamzee?” he asks, and that’s when you do start sobbing. This is your Equius. This is the one you’ve been searching for all this time, the one you’ve wanted to talk to so badly.

You have so much to say that you don’t know where to start. “I’m sorry,” is what comes out first. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have stood by and watched, I shouldn’t have tried to fight him myself, I shouldn’t have…”

He tries to calm you down, but he can’t do much of anything but let you cry it out. For his sake, you do your best to pull yourself together.

“Nepeta –“

You finally pull back enough to look up at him. But he isn’t there. Where you swear his face should be there’s only air. Your arms fall through empty space.

No, no, this can’t be right. Could you have imagined that? You look around frantically, and you don’t see Equius anywhere.

With a strangled cry, you collapse. You really wish you could disappear as he did. You begin to cry as you did as soon as you died.

Everything fades to black.


End file.
